Wow Boner Jams

http://view.break.com/386139 – Watch more free videos

My housing situation got all sorts of screwed up this summer, since the house I lived in was breaking up due to 5 out of the 7 occupants moving in with significant others. I found a place for this upcoming year, but the problem was that my old lease ended 8/31, but the new place wouldn’t be ready for movein until 9/23. Out of the people who offered crash space, only three households didn’t have furry pets- and I’m really allergic to furry animals. I didn’t want to stay a week at each place- talk about an easy way to get every one of my friends annoyed with me. I figure for pretty much anybody, three days is enough to get one’s hosts mildly annoyed.

The obvious solution, then, was to fly to Reno(tickets essentially paid for by casinos) to stay for free at the resorts for 3 weeks. So I’m back in the Biggest Shitty Little City in the World for a bit, playing some video poker, hanging out with Kyle, and trying to put up with the kind of tourist who comes to Nevada to die.

When taking advantage of a small casino, which has very few machines, I have to put up with whatever hoser sits down next to me when I’m at the advantage machine. However, when at a large casino playing video poker, I didn’t want anyone next to me so I could surreptitiously refer to a strategy cheatsheet every so often on some of the more counterintuitive games(like Double Double Bonus, see previous WHOSAV installments). Plus some of the other people in the high-limit section were chain smokers. I hate smoke.

It therefore became necessary for me to find some way to discourage people from sitting next to, or even near, the machine that I was playing- and spreading stuff around like a snack and a water bottle wouldn’t do it.

The solution, as it turns out, was for me to start singing.

Now, I am at best an awful singer. At worst, I probably make William Hung sound professional. In fact, I often don’t sing along to music because the sound of my own voice tends to disrupt my enjoyment of the music. And given that the casino playlists slant heavily towards the 80s, there is plenty to enjoy.

After a few minutes of me singing The Logical Song, the two other people nearby found other video poker machines to play. By the time the next song- American Pie- started, someone else had come into high-limit slots…and promptly veered away from where I was playing. Even when a preannounced casino ad came over the intercom, breaking up the music, I continued singing. It is testament to how many Nerd Camp dances I’ve been to that when the ad ended, I was still perfectly chronologically synced.

Even after I stopped singing, the fear of me starting up again seems to have kept people away. In Your Eyes came on about half an hour later. I couldn’t stop cracking up though- I kept remembering some old cow orkers of mine, Logan and Christopher, singing “in your thighs” at the chorus.

Speaking of cracking up, Roger needs to post the LOLcat he made of the Peppermill, the World’s Gayest Casino.

[Ed. - Ask and ye shall receive.]

For Part 6 of Wretched Hives of Scum and Villainy, click here.

“Looking at a conventional watch very often a “mental dialogue” happens:

* What time is it right now?
* When is my next appointment?
* Where does the appointment take place and how long does it take to get there from here?
* Thus, when should I leave?
* How much time is left till then? Should I leave now? Am I already too late?

These “on-the-fly” considerations and calculations are not only cumbersome but often very unprecise as well:

E.g. the necessary amount of time to cover the distance is estimated too optimistically or depends on irregular, external factors like timetable or traffic situation.”

I wanna tell you something, (’bout Texas Radio and the Big Beat? nah, that’s for later*) this “mental dialogue” that Martin refers to, well, it’s called thinking. It’s fun and I really enjoy it. Does that make me crazy?

* It comes out of the Virginia swamps, cool and slow with plenty of precision, with a back beat narrow and hard to master.